even on the darkest days, where i think nothing is good in the world, if you look hard enough… there is.
thursday
- that there is another human in the world that shares the same name as me; and she is awesome. she is curious, she calls me ‘big sarah’ and she has great curly bangs.
- that there is someone in the world who can keep me calm and measured during crisis, and she happens to be in ontario during the hardest few weeks of my life. #itslikeweplannedit
- doctors who are experts and who are specialists in melanoma. while i know that i had world class care in bangkok, when speaking specifically about melanoma, it was clear that the doctors were out of their depth. my appointment with my surgeon here in ottawa was the first time i had spoken to someone who clearly got it. it was incredibly reassuring.
friday
- kind, compassionate people who work in finance at the ottawa hospital who follow through and follow up quickly.
- getting a surgery date that is fast by canadian standards. it seems like a crazy thing to be grateful that i will be cut up and have pain and potential complications. but i know it is very important that i have this surgery. joy is relative.
- sitting on the couch all night catching up about all-the-things with a best friend. back in the day she brought me vodka and chocolate after a breakup and we lay in bed crying together. while our lives were much more drama-fuelled in the past, there is nothing more comforting.
saturday
- freshly squeezed juice homemade after a long sleep. while i know that freshly squeezed juice doesn’t officially cure cancer, it feels like it does.
- long walks and chats with a bestest friend. brunch with a bestest friend. watching the bachelorette and trash talking it with a bestest friend. anything with a bestest friend.
- distractions that take me away from cancer. my friend had her wallet stolen on saturday night and 9000 dollars spent in 45 minutes on her credit card. while i am absolutely not grateful whatsoever that this happened to her, i am grateful i could support her.
sunday
- birthday book club – the people, the books, that that it lives on across space and time. and that we actually talk about books. and we read books! and that they have become family.
- feeling comfortable, nostalgic and teary with my other set of parents in my favorite toronto house. i love that house and i want to live in it one day.
- when other friends get good news, and being able to be happy with them. it makes me feel like there IS good in the world.
monday
- having a few quiet hours to answer messages… with a cup of coffee, an empty house, and working internet.
- long walks in the sun, with the wind blowing, and just the right temperature for walking. when the route takes you through a park and you get to see the people walking their dogs, flying kites and the view of downtown toronto.
- being able to (kind of) speak spanish.
tuesday
- almond milk lattes, and that they are so commonly available in coffee shops in toronto.
- the challenge of learning something new as an adult. figuring out all the details of starting this blog have actually been tricky and i have been forced to troubleshoot, watch youtube videos and reach out to resources for support. feels good to have my brain working!
- people who are not overly emotional about my cancer diagnosis. while some days i want to cry and feel sorry for myself; other days i am so grateful to hang out with people who are matter of fact and can easily talk about other things.
wednesday
- starting the day with a walk. i’ve never been a morning exerciser… but at the cottage, it is the perfect way to clear the head and start the day.
- listening to the CBC in the car while driving to the cottage. there is something so comforting about the familiar voices, the interviews and the canadian content that makes me feel like i’m home.
- kahla dog running up to greet the car when i arrive. she doesn’t remember that i’m actually her long lost mom and the reason she lives in canada, but she is quirky and loves unconditionally, and that is a lesson we can all learn from her.
*photo taken outside of our guesthouse in murren, switzerland, summer 2017.
