i had surgery on monday. officially, it was called a ‘left axillary lymph node dissection’. essentially, they put me under and took out all the lymph nodes i have under my left armpit. i have been home for four days. the pain has been manageable, and i have been able to sleep through the night. i have some substantial shooting nerve pain, and the back and front of my upper arm is numb — which is disconcerting and uncomfortable, but not too worrisome. the drugs make me a bit whoozy; but with friends dropping by, some tv, a bit of reading, going to get my hair washed, slowly changing my clothes, home care nurse visits and trying to figure out this blog… the days have gone by very quickly.
i felt incredibly cared for throughout the whole experience at the hospital. compared to the sterile professional environment in the hospitals in thailand, the doctors/nurses/anaesthesiologists at the general were kind, empathetic and reassuring. their charts are actual binders (not like the digital charts you see in Grey’s Anatomy), and i got two personal follow up calls at home on day 1 and day 2. of course, it was still an incredibly vulnerable and painful experience… but one that i will remember positively.
we had to arrive at 6 am for an 8 am surgery. i was terrified because i had been on the edge of a cold the whole weekend. at my pre-op appointment on the friday they had warned me that if i got sick, i would not be allowed to have surgery. i spent all weekend on a mission not to get sick. i could feel a slight tickle in my throat, and i knew something was trying to infiltrate my body. i essentially used every natural remedy i could dream up:
- gargling hot salt water obsessively
- chugging orange juice
- sucking on the maximum recommended zinc tablets
- sleeping as much as humanly possible
- standing in the hot shower to inhale the steam
- downing emergenC
- worrying an acceptable amount, but not to the point of panic (right.)
when i arrived at the hospital, they asked, “have you had a change in your health since your pre-op?” luckily, i could confidently and honestly say, “no”. phew.
i dressed in the ugly gown, where your butt is handing out, and got into bed. the bed was being warmed by a weird “air-bubble blanket”. i expected to have a wave of medical anxiety, but i didn’t. when it was around 7 am, i got wheeled away to meet the anesthesiologist. a resident was working… and he was amazing. he had kind eyes, and a warm demeanour. he explained the nerve block (that i technically had a choice to have, but the decision seemed to be an obvious yes), and reassured me that i would also be under for the whole surgery. i started to get a bit nervous, but sensing that… i was given what they called my “glass of wine” and i calmed right down. next i got wheeled to meet the surgeon. she is lovely, and we had a nice chat. she told me about her upcoming vacation. a nurse held an oxygen mask over my face and he told me to picture a beautiful place… i pictured the cottage, and that’s the last thing i remember.
i woke up, in tremendous pain, in the recovery area. the nurse handed me a cocktail of pills, and she let me have a ginger ale, which i haven’t had in years. we had trouble getting the pain under control, so i had to stay a big longer. she had me rate my pain. i said a 4 out of 10, which in hindsight was probably a gross underestimation. eventually i got wheeled back to where i had started. the nurses monitored me, and told me they could not send me home until my pain was at a manageable level. i tried to pee but it seemed those muscles weren’t working. i could barely keep my eyes open, and would fall asleep in the blink of an eye. my mom came to sit next to me, and she sat eagerly with her binder ready to take notes. i found out the surgeon had called her after the surgery to let he know it had gone well, and that i was healthy and strong. i got sent off, around 4 pm… the whole thing only a day surgery!
i’m in a much better emotional space since having the surgery. i think this is because, this surgery is so much of the reason i came back to canada. having it done by a specialist, and knowing the cancer has now (likely) been entirely cut out of my body… it feels empowering. i can manage some discomfort, and the fear of developing lymphedema (which can happen when you don’t have your lymph nodes), when i know the alternative is so much worse. i still have a long recovery, and need much more information to know what’s next, but this was an important first step. check.
*i’ve received many beautiful flowers since my surgery. the above picture was taken in sydney, australia in october 2017.
