outbreak.

“have you been to china recently?” asked the nurse, after she had removed the thermometer from my ear. i had come to the clinic to get a throat lozenge for my cough. before giving me one, she sat me down, looked inside my mouth, and announced my temperature was normal.

“yes – the other weekend – to teach a course”, i responded calmly. i knew this was not what she wanted to hear.

the nurse lowered her hand and slowly backed away from me. she was trying to hide her nerves, but her eyes gave her away.

i was immediately swept into a small windowless room, given a mask, and told to go to the hospital to be checked out for the novel coronavirus. i knew i didn’t have it. other than an annoying cough, i had none of the other symptoms. i understood the need to be conservative, and given that i am technically in an ‘at risk population’ (due to the fact that i’ve had cancer treatment), i was happy to comply. i put on the mask, which was surprisingly uncomfortable and claustrophobic. while wearing one, breathing becomes more labored and moisture gets trapped all inside.

upon arriving at the hospital, i was seen quickly. i delivered my case, explained that i had been in china just a week previously, and asked her to do whatever test was necessary. she stared at me, was silent for a moment and then almost laughed. she said i was the first person who had demanded a test for the coronavirus. she explained that there were billions of people in china, and just because i stepped foot in the country, did not mean i had it. i had none of the indicators. getting the test was virtually impossible and would have included me going to be quarantined at a special hospital.

i was sent home and instructed to sleep and rest my throat.

today marks 21 days since i left beijing and i can report that i am completely fine! i had been there for five days to teach a course at an international school. it was cold, and everyone was sick. coughing and sneezing surrounded me on the plane, in taxis, and in the hotel. at this point, the coronavirus was only a murmur.

a week after my return, it had exploded in the media and panic was in full force. on public transportation, the majority of people were wearing masks; at massage parlors, they took your temperature before they agreed to treatment. 11 days after my return from beijing, my school instituted a policy that anyone who had been in china in the last 14 days had to stay home. so, i had to work from home for two days until i passed the potential 14 day incubation period.

since cancer, i’ve become much more uncomfortable with illness. i do not want to catch colds or the flu. i want my immune system to be working as hard as possible to keep cancer from nesting in my body again. no distractions. all hands on deck. i wash my hands more, get more sleep, and pay closer attention to hygiene when i travel.

i also work hard to stay calm in situations of health hysteria. i’ve already had one of the worst things happen to me, and that fear of cancer recurrence is an ever-present reality in my life. it is extra hard when people are paranoid. when a cough becomes a super virus. when a sniffle makes you a pariah. the other day, i coughed on the skytrain (our public transportation), and everyone turned to stare. i felt naked without a mask, and have worn one on on the train every day since.

many of my colleagues lived through SARS while working in china, and remember having to take the temperature of every child before they could come to school. for me, SARS felt a world away (although i did reroute my flight in 2003 to australia from hong kong to honolulu). ultimately, i feel safe here right now. work is being very vigilant, monitoring the situation closely, and communicating regularly. i’m learning a lot about managing fear, and the criteria for cancelling events. the saddest part is how our chinese community is feeling, and we are working hard to ensure they feel safe, comfortable and accepted.

i’ll keep you updated. and rather than freaking out, backing away from people and perpetuating fear…

please, just wash your hands.

*this is a photo of my brother and i on a recent hike near the arenal volcano in costa rica (january 2020). when we were kids, we loved the dustin hoffman movie, ‘outbreak’. do you remember the monkey scene at the end?? it has been imprinted in my memory for more than 20 years! i rewatched the movie the other day, and it totally holds up.