it all started with a mole on my left shoulder. it didn’t look quite right. had it been there before? it is weird to say, but i wasn’t sure. i went to the dermatologist – but she said not to worry. she took off another small mole in my armpit. i feel pure anger when i think of her now (i’m still in the look-for-blame stage, hopefully that will evolve). a year later, i was sitting in a meeting in a work, when a colleague approached me and told me he thought i should get the mole checked out. i was wearing a sleeveless dress; and he, being australian, was highly attuned to moles that don’t look right. i went back for a second opinion at a different hospital, they took off the mole and a few days later i received a phone call at work (yes, work!) – i was diagnosed with melanoma.
the next 6 weeks were a whirlwind. i was researching doctors and treatment, and my mom got on a plane to thailand. i had a wide excision and a sentinel lymph node biopsy (SLNB). they followed up with a PET scan. everything came back negative for spread. we celebrated with a gin and tonic on a rooftop bar. i posted the following on facebook:
In April, I had a mole removed from my shoulder. Two weeks later, I received a phone call at work and I was diagnosed with malignant Melanoma. Being diagnosed with cancer, at the age of 34, and in the same year as my father was a shock to my system.
Due to the depth of the Melanoma, I had a surgery for a 10 cm wider excision and a lymph node biopsy. Luckily, the biopsy came back negative for spread. Since then, I have had a number of other follow up tests, which have all come back negative too.
Fortunately, I have had incredible care in Bangkok and unbelievable support from my friends and family. My mom flew over to help me through surgery and await results, friends accompanied me to appointments, sent notes and cards, and I got medical advice from doctor friends who I love and trust.
Really, it is the best case scenario with Melanoma. I have a big scar on my left shoulder which tells my story and I will live with the possibility that it could come back at any time – but since I will be monitored so closely, hopefully it would be caught.
I write this for two reasons:
1. I was quite private about this as it was happening, but now I feel it is important to share. I am not at high risk in terms of my complexion and I do not have a lot of moles. If you see a mole that looks different or unusual, please get your skin checked. As well, I have worn sunscreen regularly since I was 25 years old, but I did not before that. Even if you don’t burn (like I don’t), sunscreen is a must.
2. When confronted with cancer, my Dad told me that he wanted to think of it as a LIFE sentence, and not a ‘life sentence’. When it happened to me, I realized something incredible. I have no major regrets with how I’ve lived my life (aside from poor decisions here and there which have have signaled me back on path). I’ve taken advantage of every moment, traveled the world, found a job I’m passionate about and surrounded myself with people that I adore. Undoubtedly, I now have higher stakes motivation to maintain healthy habits; however, most importantly, I’m reminded that we all have a limited time here and that we need to be gracious and grateful with our lives.
over the next year, i was followed closely. i had appointments every three months, and i would always be nervous but leave reassured. i lived differently… i felt older, wiser, more grateful; i prioritized sleep, working out and healthy eating. i was seeing a naturopath and doing absolutely everything in my control to maintain my health and remain cancer-free.
a year after my first diagnosis, in may 2018, i was scheduled for a follow up PET scan (this is common practice in thailand, but would not have happened in canada). i was petrified. two days before the scan, i was doing bench presses at the gym with my personal trainer. i was hyper-aware of my armpits, and being anxious for the scan, i ended up feeling around in them. i felt an unusual lump in my left armpit, about the size of my thumb. my stomach sank, and my heart started racing – i knew this was not good. it was hard (not tender) and not painful. when i got the results from the PET scan, i had a friend with me. thank goodness. it ended up being one of the worst days of my life. i will never forget collapsing into a heap, sobbing uncontrollably, barely able to breath, on the floor outside the doctors office. my heart was broken. i’ve never cried so hard.
i moved into crisis mode. i had an excisional biopsy the next day, and the stage 3 diagnosis was confirmed three days later. I had incredible support from a large network of friends in colleagues in bangkok. since melanoma is not a common form of cancer in thailand, i made the decision to return to canada to have surgery and any necessary adjuvant therapy.
and I here i am. i certainly never thought this is where i would be at the age of 35, confronted with this enormous unwanted curveball. but what choice do i have other than to get up every day and live my LIFE sentence?
i’m ready to take it on.