win or lose? sickness or health? darkness or light? imagine if our whole lives were determined by a single coin toss. in many ways, i guess they are. there are thousands of moments every day in which life could go in different directions – applying for a job, taking a test, investing in stocks. and every day, all around the world, people’s lives are hanging in the balance; hoping to come up lucky.
i used to wear a bracelet that said, make your own luck. i liked the thinking that i had control over something, particularly my happiness. i’ve always known that prayer, or thought, or wishing was not enough for life to work out. i believe that people need to be active participants in their lives. but i’ve also learned that sometimes, bad fortune, or even good fortune, does just sometimes fall into your lap.
some people say they don’t believe in luck, or chance… but there is literally no world where i can make sense of what has happened to me, without admitting that i am statistically speaking, unlucky. luck – or lack thereof – is a concept we use to make sense of random events. it is not like if you are unlucky four times in a row, that all of a sudden the next time will come up lucky. if only luck were fair, equally divided. is it going to come up lucky for you? type heads or tails into google, and see what happens.
in 2009, i met a friend in las vegas. we got a good deal on a hotel, and then we proceeded to get ripped off on everything else. except for roulette. we played for no more than 10 minutes, and we won a few hundred dollars. we kept guessing… red? black? it was SUCH a thrill. it was exciting to be a bit reckless, and to come out on top. to walk away before our luck turned. and then, as if by design, we used our winnings to fund a fancy dinner that was alarmingly costly, and we were back in the hole. but i’ll never forget what it felt like to flip a coin, to take a risk, and to get the reward.
now, my whole life has become a high stakes gamble, and i’ve become risk averse. the stakes are too high. i am keenly aware of what i have to lose – and it is not a few hundred dollars.