sometimes you read articles about what not to say to a cancer patient. i know in the past i have struggled knowing what to say to others when they were deep in grief, when they had lost their partner, or were confronted with a personal crisis. i wanted to get it just right, and i regularly left analyzing my words and their impact. even in a few cases (i’m ashamed to admit) not knowing what to say, so saying nothing at all.
i remember going to a funeral when i was a teenager. one of my favorite teachers in high school had lost her husband, and we were there to show our support. along the receiving line, everyone was saying the same thing: “i’m so sorry for your loss”. i heard it over and over again as we approached her. it started to feel disingenuous. i wanted to say something different. i wanted to say something that would have an impact. i ended up saying, “i’m so sad for you”, and immediately burst into tears. i don’t remember what happened next, but in all likelihood, she probably gave me a hug and told me it would be okay.